Welcome to Everyday Christian Men’s Marriage Monday Blog! This week, Matt and Amy Lushko are kicking off a brand new series, walking chapter-by-chapter through the classic relationship book, Men Are Like Waffles; Women Are Like Spaghetti by Bill and Pam Farrel. In Chapter 1: “What’s the Difference?”, they explore how husbands and wives process life differently and how understanding those differences can strengthen your marriage. Whether you are reading along with the book or just looking for weekly encouragement, we are glad you are here!
Chapter 1: What’s the Difference?
Romans 15:7 “Accept one another, just as Christ accepted us to the glory of God.”
Men Are Like Waffles
Matt: This book seems to be a little more lighthearted than most of our previous books, which I am thankful for. Amy and I laughed a little more reading this week’s chapter. This book is also a little older, the original copyrighted in 2001. It mentioned getting a TV guide at the grocery store, some of you probably have never seen one of those.
Reading this first chapter I think it is good information and even though the concept has been around for a while, it is good to go over it again, and I am sure there are some of you that have not heard of this concept before.
The book starts out with this quote:“The only difference between men and women is everything, and that’s what keeps things so interesting.” – April White, Waging War
I think everyone would agree that men and women are different. The goal is to get past the frustration and realize, that is what makes life interesting.
When you don’t understand the differences between men and women, it just leads to frustration. On the other hand, if you try to understand, it can help you approach your spouse differently and change your mindset on how you perceive each other’s actions.
There are two good questions in the middle of this chapter that may be helpful to keep in mind as we make our way through this book:
What are we supposed to do with the differences?
How do we work with them so they add strength to our relationship rather than irritate us?
Chapter one covers the basic concept of men are like waffles and women are like spaghetti. The simplest explanation is that men process life in boxes. They live in one box at a time, being problem solvers by nature. For women, everything is connected. They are thinking about five different things all at the same time.
Men, you might be having a conversation with your wife. You are focused on that conversation and then your wife talks about something that happened to your daughter at school today. Your mind is blown wondering where that came from, but to her it is connected. You shut down and she tells you the car is making a funny noise.
To you, your wife is having three conversations, and you were hoping to finish the first one.
The other day Amy and I were driving to a place that was an hour away. I didn’t know where we were going, so we were relying on the GPS. We were talking about one subject most of the way. Then, what seemed to me to be out of the blue, she brought up something about our son Alex. To her it was in the flow of the conversation. To me I was thinking, ok, we are going to talk about this now. While all this was going on, I made a wrong turn.
I guess the quote at the beginning of this book was right, our differences do make life interesting.
Women Are Like Spaghetti
Amy: As I am reading this book, my heart is grateful. For any of you who may be early in your marriage journey, there is something wonderful yet to come with spiritual growth in your marriage. I can honestly say that Matt has changed so much. The old Matt would have become very angry at being compared to a waffle. I guess that’s why the authors were strategic at adding humor in this book. We have to find ways to not take life too seriously.
What I love about the first chapter is to stop trying to fix one another. As Matt addressed above, the goal is to understand our spouse better. I will say it really does help for you to take a look inward and try not to allow yourself to become defensive. We only complicate our relationships when we add arguments and attitudes to the conversation. As husband and wife you were created in God’s image; “male and female he created them.” Your wife is not wrong for entangling every spaghetti noodle and your husband is not broken because he only focuses on one box at a time. We were uniquely created that way on purpose and God said it was good!
In Christ,
Matt and Amy
