Welcome to Everyday Christ Men’s Marriage Monday Blog! This week, Matt and Amy Lushko are kicking off a brand new Marriage Monday series. Over the next several weeks, they will be walking chapter-by-chapter through two excellent books on marriage communication: How a Husband Speaks by R.G. Frederick and How a Wife Speaks by Selena Frederick. Whether you are following along with the books or just looking for weekly encouragement, we are glad you are here.
How a Husband Speaks purchase on Amazon
How a Wife Speaks purchase on Amazon
Let’s dive into the introduction!
Proverbs 18:21 “Death and life are in the power of the tongue, and those who love it will eat its fruits.”
How a Husband Speaks
Matt: If you were to evaluate yourself, how good would you say your communication is with your wife? Think about it for a moment. How well do you listen to her, how well do you share your thoughts and experiences, do you trust her enough to share your struggles, and are you able to work through anything with her?
After you have thought about that, now go ask your wife if she feels the same about your communication as you do. Wives, you do the same. Evaluate yourself and then ask your husband how he feels about your evaluation.
Communication is a big part of marriage. If you can’t communicate well, it will be a barrier that keeps you from having the close relationship that God desires for your marriage. Here is the good news: It is a learnable skill if you are willing to humble yourself and admit you need to work on it.
Fredrick states he has three reasons for writing this book:
God cares about how men communicate with their wives.
Communication matters to couples. It is the number one struggle in marriage that shows when couples are surveyed, and most look back at communication as the reason other struggles happen.
By communication, marriages either flourish or die.
One of the best ways a husband can serve his wife and family by providing leadership that will glorify God is through the ways he communicates. This includes being the first to take responsibility for communication failures which may not be entirely his fault (pg. 3).
Men, I want to challenge you to take the lead in communication. Don’t take it for granted. God designed us to need each other, but without communication, your wife can feel alone even though you spend the most time with her. God shows us a lot of grace, and I’m guessing your wife does as well. The good news is that communication is a learnable skill. Don’t just say, “I am bad at communicating,” and accept it. We all need to work on it, otherwise it would not be the number one struggle.
How a Wife Speaks
Amy: I’m not sure why we waited so long to do more on the topic of communication. Just reading the Introduction of the book, and as Matt mentioned above, communication is the top struggle of thousands of married couples. I’m actually excited and very interested in this book dedicated to communication. After going through many marriage books, I crave new insights; this is something we haven’t focused on before.
From the very beginning of our relationship together, I hoped for our marriage to reflect Christ in a profound way. I didn’t want our relationship to be the status quo. Twenty-eight years later, three kids, shifts in career paths into ministry… we live a roller coaster life just like most of you do. Sometimes marriage is great and sometimes it’s kinda monotonous. I don’t know how you feel about your marriage, but I want “uncommon love” for my marriage even after 3 kids and 28 years of married life.
The introduction in the book reminded me that if I want an uncommon love, I can’t settle for common communication. Our words are powerful, and as we have a greater level of trust and love with our spouse, we can live on purpose together for Christ.
“Our King is worthy, and his eternal work awaits.” (pg. 7)
I’m excited to learn from these books so I can be a better communicator for my husband. I hope you are too.
In Christ,
Matt and Amy
